It's the worst feeling in the world when a whole bunch of people that you thought you knew, that you thought were your friends, decide that they don't like you anymore. That happened to me 4 months ago. It didn't matter that they were "internet" friends, I had "known" them and talked with them for 3 years. I had been pregnant with them, shared joys and triumphs with them, showed them my pain and comforted them through theirs. They were my special "Peeps," and for a while, they were the only bright spot in my otherwise mommyhood filled day.
Then they dumped me. They had what they thought was a very good reason to. That's not the point, that's not even the point of this post. The point is this: it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I didn't realize that slowly my internet friends were becoming my main interactions with people. I was on Facebook chatting with "my peeps," and neglecting my partner, my friends and my home. For a shockingly long amount of time after they dumped me, I was upset, even now I still miss them. I miss their dry wit, their nurturing support and their awesome sarcasm, but what I've gained in this 4 months is an astounding sense of self.
I've actually started liking myself, I like going for a run, I like playing with my son and daughter, I like going out with IRL friends. I go to the gym 5 days a week and I've lost 4 inches from my waist. My goal when I started working out was to drop 2 pant sizes. Okay, well, maybe I wanted to look like a hottie mchotterston from Mad Men too, but my more realistic goal was 2 pants sizes. I've dropped 3 and my current size is already bagging at my ass.
The moral of this story isn't "become an internet social pariah, get depressed and VOILA! Weight loss!" The idea is to stop hiding. Stop hiding from your life and realize that the things that are important are never easy, that the people who love you will stand with you, and that running, for serious, completely sucks, but it totally works.
For real, for a while shin splints were my besties. When I first started "running" it was for a minute, then I would cool down for 2-3 minutes, depending on what level buffalo I sounded like. It took time and effort, but now I run for miles. I pump iron. I do (what I call) the muffin top machine (ya know, because it kills that MT). It all sucks, don't get me wrong, but it's worth it to see the me that I feel on the inside finally starting to show on the outside.
So here's my update, I have no clue how much weight I've lost, my son broke the scale because he thought it would be an awesome toy, but I know that I feel good about me. I can look back 6 months and see that the funny girl with the confidence was totally faking it and she had the same dream that all fat girls have, you know the one. You wake up one day and its all miraculously gone or you get some illness that makes you not *too* sick, but sick enough so that you lose all of the weight you hate. I still have weight to lose, and yes, it's hard, but as a wise peep says on her tumblr, being fat is hard, losing weight is hard, PICK YOUR HARD.
PS-- People should totally follow Sarah on Tumblr, she might not be my peep anymore, but she never fails to inspire me. Pickyourhard.tumblr.com
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