Yesterday, I listened to a voice mail from a perky little lady telling me that her name was Anne and she would be training me tomorrow, she sweetly told me not to eat anything for at least 2 hours before out session and that she was soooo excited to meet me tomorrow. Anne sounded like every peppy cheerleader you've ever met, I wasn't too worried about our workout after listening to the bubbly Anne over voice mail.
I showed up today in my fat lady gym clothes expecting to sweat a little and get a moderate workout. Anne met me at the door, she's a pocket sized 37 year old lady with a Texas sized smile. She talked with me a bit and then walked with me over to a cardio runner/elliptical/stepper death machine. She set up some resistance and then told me to "warm up for a bit!" Anne stayed next to the machine chatting with me about various things, asking me about my life and lifestyle while telling me a bit about herself. After 10 minutes my legs felt like Jello, Anne didn't seem to notice my desperate glances at the time, she just kept chatting. At the 14 minute mark I was contemplating the state of my noodle legs when Anne told me to "walk off" the last minute then we'll move on.
Hallelujah! I thought I was saved. At exactly the 15 minute mark I stopped moving and Anne had me jog with her to the Resistance Area. Anne proceeded to demonstrate a jump-squat, then asked me to do 5 of them. I thought 'Ha! Easy.' Um, no. Not easy. Hard. Very hard. After 5 reps Anne announced that she was going to give me a little resistance. Which meant that she was going to try to hold me down while I tried to jump. If I was a salmon, there's no way I would have made it upstream.
Anne the Ass kicker showed up in the Resistance Area. She made me work my arms, my legs and my abs to the point of shaking and feeling faint. She kicked my ass by having me do pull ups, plank holds, crunches (which are shockingly easy for me, so she only let me do 10 of them before adding a giant ass medicine ball to my chest) push ups, jumping jacks and things that I don't know the name of. After 30 minutes of Anne Workout Hell she let me cool down on the recumbent bike for 15 minutes. I've never been so happy to bike in my whole life.
After my cool down session Anne did these wonderful stretches with me. She stretched my legs, my arms, my shoulders, my neck, my back. Somewhere around the arm stretching I started rethinking my mental nickname of Ass Kicker Anne.
After over an hour of working out with Anne I decided she was my frenemy and I really need to rethink the cost of a trainer. If Anne kicked my ass every day like this I'm pretty sure I'd look like Christina Hendricks in no time.
Breakfast--Orange and a giant glass of water. (Anne also kicked my ass about my breakfast choices. I still hate eggs, sorry.)
No comments:
Post a Comment