Update! (more like a downer-date)

It's the worst feeling in the world when a whole bunch of people that you thought you knew, that you thought were your friends, decide that they don't like you anymore. That happened to me 4 months ago. It didn't matter that they were "internet" friends, I had "known" them and talked with them for 3 years. I had been pregnant with them, shared joys and triumphs with them, showed them my pain and comforted them through theirs. They were my special "Peeps," and for a while, they were the only bright spot in my otherwise mommyhood filled day.

Then they dumped me. They had what they thought was a very good reason to. That's not the point, that's not even the point of this post. The point is this: it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I didn't realize that slowly my internet friends were becoming my main interactions with people. I was on Facebook chatting with "my peeps," and neglecting my partner, my friends and my home. For a shockingly long amount of time after they dumped me, I was upset, even now I still miss them. I miss their dry wit, their nurturing support and their awesome sarcasm, but what I've gained in this 4 months is an astounding sense of self.

I've actually started liking myself, I like going for a run, I like playing with my son and daughter, I like going out with IRL friends. I go to the gym 5 days a week and I've lost 4 inches from my waist. My goal when I started working out was to drop 2 pant sizes. Okay, well, maybe I wanted to look like a hottie mchotterston from Mad Men too, but my more realistic goal was 2 pants sizes. I've dropped 3 and my current size is already bagging at my ass.

The moral of this story isn't "become an internet social pariah, get depressed and VOILA! Weight loss!" The idea is to stop hiding. Stop hiding from your life and realize that the things that are important are never easy, that the people who love you will stand with you, and that running, for serious, completely sucks, but it totally works.

For real, for a while shin splints were my besties. When I first started "running" it was for a minute, then I would cool down for 2-3 minutes, depending on what level buffalo I sounded like. It took time and effort, but now I run for miles. I pump iron. I do (what I call) the muffin top machine (ya know, because it kills that MT). It all sucks, don't get me wrong, but it's worth it to see the me that I feel on the inside finally starting to show on the outside.

So here's my update, I have no clue how much weight I've lost, my son broke the scale because he thought it would be an awesome toy, but I know that I feel good about me. I can look back 6 months and see that the funny girl with the confidence was totally faking it and she had the same dream that all fat girls have, you know the one. You wake up one day and its all miraculously gone or you get some illness that makes you not *too* sick, but sick enough so that you lose all of the weight you hate. I still have weight to lose, and yes, it's hard, but as a wise peep says on her tumblr, being fat is hard, losing weight is hard, PICK YOUR HARD.

PS-- People should totally follow Sarah on Tumblr, she might not be my peep anymore, but she never fails to inspire me. Pickyourhard.tumblr.com

Reboot!

The past few months have been really difficult. I've had to have a few surgeries, one major and two minor. I've been sort of down and out because of them, so dieting and working out have been completely off of my mind.

Now I'm well enough to get going again. I figure I'll start by going for a run and doing some light weights at the gym.

Off I go!

One Month Weight-In

For the past 2 weeks I've been on the Fail Train when it comes to working out. We've had a lot of upheaval here and I've been getting over my horrid dry socket from having my wisdom teeth pulled.

Is that enough excuses? I'm going to move on now.

I decided to do a mini weigh-in at my sisters house on the 4th. There is no scale in my house, I've always felt that a scale was a scary thing that didn't belong in my inner sanctum, staring at me and mocking me with ever Hostess cake I consume. I was expecting to see absolutely no change from my weigh-in a month ago, imagine my surprise when the scale claimed that I had lost 6 whole pounds! WOOHOOO!!

That was the lovely kick in the ass that I needed to get over my throbbing pain and work out. I worked out Friday and Sunday and managed to weigh myself at the gym where I had initially gotten my weight. I was shocked when the gym scale gave me a 9 pound weight loss.

Shock me, shock me, shock me! I'm actually losing weight. O_o

Day PAIN

I haven't been working out at all for the past 5 days or so, but I'm confidant that I'm not gaining any weight. You see, I had my wisdom teeth removed on Thursday and haven't been eating anything except broth and the occasional piece of rice.
As far as dieting goes, that probably a major win. On the pain scale I'm out of the park. I cannot believe how much this shit hurts! I know, I'm embarrassingly old to be getting my wisdom teeth out (28!) but my former dentist always told me that they were so small and far down that they probably wouldn't ever bother me. Yeah, he was a quakenstein because these bad boys hurt for several months before they were removed.
If this helps with my weigh-in this week it will have all been worth it. Maybe...

It's Monday and I've died

Okay, maybe not DIED, but I feel like it with this monster cold I have. DD has off school today and it's snowing like a motherbeeper, I really don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I suck at driving, just in general, I'm really a crap driver, but when you add snow? I'm a danger to society. So, I'm not going to the gym today, I don't want to risk the lives of untold civilians.

Since the gym is out, I've been doing... crap, I was going to lie there and be all like "tons of cardio and pilates...oh and push ups!' No lies. I'm doing nothing. I'm sitting on my bum, whining about the cold I've contracted and playing around on FB and BBC. Maybe I'll force my living in sin partner to drive me to the gym when he's done with work. Oh! or I could shovel, that's probably worth some calories, right? We'll see what I end up doing, but I have a feeling it's going to be a whole lot of nothing.

Blah blah, it's Thursday

To day I didn't work out. I was amazed at how guilty I felt about not going and working out. Lately, I've been hoping that I turn into one of those psycho ladies that LOVES working out, they love it so much that they work out every day at least once a day for a minimum of an hour. I think I could get there, maybe not the love working out bit, but the working out every day part.

I didn't work out today because I decided to take the kidlets to a fun play world place and meet up with my best friend and her kidlets. Let me tell you, I did "work out" today. I had to follow DS all over the tunnel structure, I was climbing, crawling, running and lifting for 3 hours, total cardio win, so I lost a bit of the guilt.

I did horrible on food today. I skipped breakfast, I skipped lunch then ate a bunch of snack type things at 2-ish. For dinner I made my super healthy lasagna (read: not healthy at all) and because I was so damn hungry, I ate 2 pieces of it. I'm not talking 2 dainty girlie pieces either, they were 2 man sized pieces. Now I'm sitting here feeling bloated beyond belief, but hell, it was so worth it.

Day Something or Another

I worked out again today for about 45 minute. I also had a big fail moment when I ate a Little Debbie cake this morning.

Aaaah! I couldn't help it! The little bastard was sitting there calling to me. It was practically taunting me to eat it. I only did it to show the jerk who was boss, clearly I am, since I ate it and destroyed it.